"Just get over it, I can do it myself, pull yourself up by your bootstraps." Common sense or crazy, it's out there in the culture. We are independent folk, we like to do things ourselves, make our own way. Getting help is viewed as weak, needy and wallowing. Our hero's are silent types, fighting the good fight and enduring difficulty with aplomb and certitude.
So, that's the fantasy, what's the reality? The real deal is that for millions of years we organized ourselves in tribes, with hierarchy, shamen, wise old people and plenty of relatives to take over. They had rights of passage that helped young men and women to learn the secrets of hunting and childbirth. We had the support of the group. That no longer exists except in some cyber reality. Cyber space lacks the human touch but certainly helps many people get through the day. We live in two or one parent homes, with family spread out and largely unavailable on a daily basis. Our friends have their own troubles and cannot afford to listen to our travails.
We then get back to psychotherapy. What are we trying to do? Some think that we try to relieve responsibility by blaming the parents. Others believe that it is self indulgent to sit there and talk about ourselves. The truth is that we are about relieving pain. Emotional pain in the form of anxiety, depression, anger and low self esteem are at the heart of the causes of emotional unrest. Unfortunately we are too close to the subject to know what to do. The missing link is another person, an objective observer, non judgmental and non critical voice who can help build skills for relieving internal tension, bad relationships and experiential pain.
Yet another thing that is missing in people's lives is someone who will listen for an hour to our difficulties, stresses and fears. I often talk to CEO's, business people and young people trying to make it in this competitive world but have no skills to do it. We have lost our tribal roots, we are emotionally adrift in large cities and fall victim to our loneliness and inability to see what is needed to get through life in a good way.
Psychotherapy is the good parent, the supportive partner and another pair of eyes. We are on your side with the knowledge of how we work and what has gone wrong along the way. We are creating a corrective emotional experience, one that was missing, with emotional supplies and knowledge to go out into the world and make our lives work better. It may sound like I am the psychotherapy evangelist but you know what, someone has to stand up and tell the truth. MIght as well be me.
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